**Brace yourself for Impact

It is going get really confusing and childish

Lets Begin

I am pathetic in letter writing so sit tight….

Most of you would find it ridiculously stupid to write an open letter to self...  when the whole world is writing it to someone who they consider walking blind of actual reality and less intellectual or moral than themselves. I guess that is the same reason I wanted to write too… At times I feel  "myself" feels same about   my “self”. I believe there is thick line of difference between those two... they drive us crazy and both of them have a voice which sounds same and they constantly talk to one another after a while one takes precedence on the other and determines who you are...Some people see it as the difference between What you are  vs  What you wanna be or some may think you are suffering from DID (Dissociative identity disorder).

As always let me start by saying "its been a while I wrote something". It seems this thought has become as monotonous as rest of threads in my life, where i constantly try to understand myself and self

.

Dear Self,

Yes, you can be overwhelmed with that.. Yes, you are the dearest…. whatever I do… I do to make you happy, I can’t differentiate myself with you or you with myself. You are my identity or are you   my entity… Yes it is as confusing as it sounds.  People I know put you in to boxes one is being good side and another side being bad. Even I tend to do that but I don’t label you as  good or bad, right or wrong, generous or selfish and the only reason for that is….  I don’t know which box to label with what, So  I label it with one which written ME all over it.

·      You show me dreams , paint the vision with colors ,let the horses of wishes  run wild and same time you tell I am being greedy  selfish and immoral.

·     You generate a feeling of strength, reasoning to take decision and at times  give me guilt for being wrong in some of them.

·     You get happy and sad for same reason.

·     You feel content being grounded and then tell me being nomadic is bliss.

·     You get overwhelmed while hugging people tight and at times you tell me you  are suffocating the same.

·     You tell me to accept detachment and then you tell me hold on to those  memories.

·     You push me in to dark alleys and enlighten me in those corners of dark  alleys.

·     You make me feel liberated and then squeeze me with bindings of society.

So I don’t know what to request you, I understand… sometimes you have to accept what you don’t  to expect and do what you have do.

Just strike the balance, do your thing and take me to the light which guides to be what you are

With love...

Your Self..

So that was it, it may sound incomplete and incoherent that is the state most of us are in

I know for few of you there was no impact but what’s wrong in embracing yourself.

So….

Embrace yourself for Impact

~SadiQ.

World which lets you be who you want.

The world that which lets you be who you want, which lets you speak what you want, which lets you act the way you want.



Aaah common for god's sake…!!!  such world is never supposed exist…..



I was wondering while I read blogs and watch movies which show a sense of freedom in character and which project a senseless freedom towards things they do which are so so… nonexistent in the real world or (I just don’t understand what I have read or seen ;) )



 I believe as human beings we are bound to live in the clustered environments where we are dependent on the fellow beings to be who we are.



 ‘I’ and ‘me’ does not have an identity of themselves and they are incomplete if  they are not a father or a mother or brother, sister, husband, wife, friend to someone else….

Instead of building “I” with ego of being I. If we try to build our ‘I’ by being genuinely good in the combinations that builds up’ I’ or ‘Me’. Worlds would be a better to places to live.

On the day this happens…. World that which lets us be who we want, which lets us speak what we want, which lets us believe in what we want,  which lets us act the way we want will definitely exists all around us.

Image :http://mrfreeman911.blogspot.in/2012/03/share-world.html

“Don’t you get bored by travelling alone…?”

Hey…
As i have said to myself, I will write more frequently and i am not finding anything interesting around to write.
I have decided to write self logs…
Ok as of now, I am expressing myself sitting in AP Express to Delhi…
why am I going to Delhi, I have answers…
Why am i traveling alone can be found on the previous post of my mine….
As I have already learned to accept than to expect… let’s keep that a side…


So two of my BF’s (Best friends) dropped me to station early in the morning just to realize that train was rescheduled to depart with two hours of delay… so that makes the journey of mine 29 to 31 hours…(awesome know L)

Hmmmmmmm


Anyways, I used love shuttling in trains during project work and right after colleges to learn testing in some coaching institutes and travelling as you get to know different kinds of people and also get know the insider information of innumerable things from health to politics, ideas, emotions .Some of the passengers don’t find people to vent their emotions and so they prefer to vent out all the emotions to passengers next to them and how much you believe that information is up to you….


I am kind of little introvert until I get to know people really well... so I prefer to be a very good listener and responder.

Today’s journey is different...

“I have nothing to do, I will sleep” is common approach of the people travelling in trains mostly for the long distances...


I got the side upper berth which I hate most now days. Cazz I am not fitting into it seriously and the passenger in the side lower wanted sleep from the moment we got in, so had to climb…

I wonder how people sleep from morning to evening. Aaaahhhh this train is running 2 hours late and it is making sure to show due respect to other trains by waiting in random places waving them good bye….

I am reading this book called Brida, First few pages of the book deals with the solitude and philosophy. Anyways I am not sure what the book will conclude itself on, but I believe one should take a break from his routine to be with himself.

This was partly the reason I did not back off from the trip even, one from the two persons who dropped me to station has ditched my trip plan for some stupid reason which will change his status if it works out, in the last minute and I had to keep my word given to my another BF whose wedding I am supposed to attend at the end of the trip.

Hmmmm what else... I will come up with more….

PS: Someone has asked me, “Don’t you get bored by travelling alone…?”
I said, “if you get bored of your own company. You don’t worth a company…. ;-) ”

Expect or Accept...

Hey it’s been a whileeeeee that i have posted something in here....... in fact anywhere....

A quick short self log....

It does not feel good somewhere and it hurts a little....

I have been telling myself time and again not to build expectations in around certain things and especially people... I am none to expect someone to behave in a certain way and in certain manner. But for a fact it is the only sign, i find in myself which is human..... ;-) (To Expect).

Anyways...it is a high time. That i should accept certain facts of life..., that it does change... and you can’t be the priority to world even if you keep the world at priority....

Friends are dogs.... when they get married they become pet dogs.... I will be too someday..... ;)


ps:will try to write more frequently....

Are we Independent ~ Kya azad hain hum...?

Hey….I don’t know how to start... Where to start…  Its  kind offf little hutkeee from my first three posts…..  Which I wrote during stone age…….;)   So coming right to the point…

As today, I am feeling little cynical as always on the eve of Independence Day… when people are feeling overly pompous about the day. It reminds me of the days in school where Independence Day was all about games, sports and competition with other classes... (Stop wondering… during those days... i used to participate in every game they conducted- Sack race to Memory test: you are  always welcome to check my runner-up trophies and I used to fit in a Sack too...).

The funny part is people who are still wearing same school uniform under their clothes continue to conduct same competitions(How well you decorate your class room) in the office cubical’s and bay’s with one thing missing "the lasting  passion" towards the day, as now emphasis is more on employee engagement. Today when I see around in my friends and colleagues. I miss that sense of patriotic feeling which resonated during school assemblies  and motivation to do something for the country which used  to written all over  our faces on aug15th.

As cynical part of my mind tells me and as it opens a poetic side of it too

Today  “ Independence day”  is just an holiday or a long vacation if it falls on Friday or Monday and you can order a pizza with tricolour toppings on it and celebrate independence which does not exist in its complete form as it was back then and put me a question right on my face.

Are we independent? =  Kya azad hain hum... ?

Kya azad hain hum... Kyaaa azad hain hum...!!

Aarakshan ke jhol se,  Jathi vaad ke jaal se, Garibi ki dhul se… Kya azad hain hum...
Thirange ke rango ko, Rang me bathne waloo...  Kya azad hain hum...

Sawal pe Sawal puchne ne walo,  Jawab dhundh ne ke daar se... kya azad hain hum....

Netha`voke Rajnithi pe rone walo.. Khud ki  Gair jimmedari se... kya azad hain hum....

Hazare ki peche…  Hazaron me nikle ne waloo, Gali ke kone me Bhukhe ki chikh se.. kya azad hain hum....

Desh ko badal ne jo nikle hoo..  . Kya khudh ki khudhgarzii se azad hain hum...

Ashawad ke naam pe, Santhusht rahne waloo...  varthman ke sach se kya..azad hain hum...

Azadi ke din chutti manane waloo...    Azadi ke din....  kya azad hain hum....

Kya azad hain hum...  kyaaa azad hain hum...!!

I said: “our country is in better position than many other countries in the world, as we are not oppressed as them…”

My cynical side:If you are feeling hungry and I tell you the next guy is starving does that satisfy you hunger.

I said: “we are economically independent“.

My cynical side: why you get scared, when dollar value falls.

I said: “Current generation is more secular”.

My cynical side: Haven’t you seen the growing Communal groups in Facebook.  

I said:”we are better informed and best media today”.

My cynical side: Buddy… Are you sure… did you forget the line ”Breaking news _ you saw it first on ***TV***”

As of now I don’t have “Answer” to answer the questions of my cynical side as it continue to prove my logic wrong.

 I Hope we find a answer soon and I save my independence day wishes till then….

LIGHT UP THOSE CORNERS....

On Jan20th… at 7 pm. Got up from my regular 4 hour nap, which started right after Heavy Lunch. Most of you might be thinking this is secret of me being me and my health. But FYI… As per studies conducted in a farm house of Cambodia... it is proven that buffalos which were made to graze well in the morning and made to sleep in the afternoon reduced ½ a pound every 3 months… {I know it is most Grosssse way of bringing comedy in to a Blog, but I cant help, these are after effects of watching “Tees Mar Khan*,Action replay*,Golmal 3*”. Naming these three movies will also ease the process of comparison… for my dearest readers who commented that my last blog….was Like RGV KI AAG*…}.



It took me 3 min… to get up….from my bed..


Similar was the state of my PC which was in the sleep mode from last 4 hours…. I pressed on Enter. It slowly started switch to active mode…. Logged on to my newly...found Interest... Facebook… started reading status updates….


“People Discussing separation of States… pros-cons”.


“People cautioning fellow employees and friends… to make sure they safely return their homes as the judgement of a land Dispute is due…”.


“People praying for the Global warming...to keep themselves warm, in winter.”


Self appointed activists bashing each other... on the above topics…for the reasons they themselves are confused about.... and after reading all these,different kind of emotions started to jump in my mind. One of them was, how my  grosse joke would be taken by Buffalo-Activists…and had a thought of adding a Disclaimer at the end. Meanwhile my tube light started blinking.. I looked at it which…was right behind me and the moment I turned back...My system started to reboot… aaah…..


My tubeLight was still blinking… I turned to look at it... I was half way through...it was completly dark… power was gone…. I tried to reach for the thread of my charging lamp… got hold and pulled to switch it ON… I could hear the switch Tick... But there was no light, the lamp was not charged …as there are no power cuts in winters and I stay out of town for work…So I had to resort to our age old kerosene lamp…it took me 15 min to find it.. Light it up… i looked from the window, It was one of those cloudy dark nights where you see the traces of moon due to the hint of glow in the moving clouds……


I slowly walked to front veranda of my house. From where… Normally I could see my whole street… but rightnow nothing was visible. To my right.. 3 blocks away from my house... where my street ends in a T junction, construction is going on  and there were pits in the road…I am sure residents of my street were having a tough time walking at the corner now...due to the darkness. Then I looked at my left… which was dark too. I could see some light at the end. It started getting brighter...it was a truck...with construction material Coming…towards me… Due to head lamps…..I could see whole street and every house… It passed before I could blink my eye as I was staring...with out blinking.. I guess ;) With a flash of light in my eyes…and as the truck passed from my street lane…It was Dark again...but I could clearly see the same street 15 years back… in my memory lane…. It was a similar truck in which I came to this street… when my dad got posted in Hometown and I was curiously…looking at the street.


“Long long ago very long ago very very long ago”…. This is how my aunt used to start telling stories in Mid 1990‘s summers during those 7 to 9 pm power cuts right here in this Veranda…


Most of her stories used to have some scientific realities such as, Moon is in size of a bullock carts wheel, and there is old lady on the moon, when she washes her clothes, it rains... and kid from opposite house used to ask, that his mom told that during eclipse…snake will come and eat moon,so what will happen to the lady then...… I used to wonder did Neil Armstrong met her.


Any ways….


 Kids from whole Street used to sit around her and listen to her stories. I used to get prime spot to sit “right at her feet” as me being new kid in the street..The moment  powercome back… we get to hear a High Pitch voice :“Orai Vedhava… akada vala tho enduku kurchunavu raaaa" (You stupid…Why the hell are you sitting with those people…) Suddenly few kids from opposite houses used to get up and started running  and stood infront of their houses…Then, from nowhere their moms emerged with a bowl of yellow water... (Turmeric water) and used to sprinkle on them…with a warning slap on their back… saying not to sit with community opposite.


My street had ten plus houses on the either side of the lane… One side was called Meat Eaters and otherside was called Non believers…by each other. These two communities which were pretty different from each other in their beliefs and culture ... somehow got settled in same street opposite to each other Which lead to one of the above sprinkling comedies and other comedies such as : Kids used to get a splash with bucket full of water...after they played with other community kids… : and with only one drinking water tap in the street, People wasted more water cleaning the tap and the stone upon which vessel was kept, Once other community…Filled their vessels.


In those days…. Even in broad daylight. Their vision was blocked by thick clouds of their blind beliefs, ignorance and false pride of supremacy of one over another… like some clouds in the sky today… and some in Facebook statuses in the evening.. which were blocking moonlight to enter in to our lives…and the only hint of Light was those kids from either sides. as they used to whisper in ears of each other  "Listen to the complete story and share it in the school next day”.


I looked to my Right… again... it was still Dark at the corner of the T junction 3 blocks away...… so I decided to walk towards the end... with the lamp and I hooked it to one of the construction poles… it was enough to lit the corner and for resident to walking fine.. and now they are able to make sure they avoid those pits.While I was coming back towards my house.. I was happy to see the Light in my street...even though it was still dark…  power was not back yet but emotions jumping in brain.. tend to reduce....

It was the Light which I saw...when I was hanging the lamp on the construction pole.I saw…My aunt and the lady who used to sprinkle turmeric water  years ego, were holding hands, laughing in sync with each other...and trying to cross the corner safely avoiding construction pits… I turned the Knob… to increase the flame… I was happy at what I was seeing…

After they crossed….


The lady Said: "Thank you for the lamp….son"


I said: "Thank you for the Light….aunty…"


She did not understand… the reason why I was thanking her… she laughed and tapped on my shoulder and left .


Reasons being… only known to me. As time passed....in all these years...kids got older… got educated, even elders realized the need of being united and were able to pick up the right things from the  awareness that society brought in whatever aspects…of their lives…and tried to light up their lives and atmosphere in the street... to an extent that My friends  now tell me yours is the most secular street…


I wish everyone takes these few steps and light up those dark corners of the society…and  hearts… which will help us to avoid the pits…  laid by the greedy politicians….  light up the dark fears.. induced from incidents of the past….

I came back and sat in my veranda.. for 45 min...power was..back.....  Logged on to my Facebook updated what was on my mind..... "LIGHT UP THOSE CORNERS.... "


Oh forgot...

Disclaimer:

1: I sincerely apologies to buffalos for linking their name with activists… ;)

2: All the movies names are used to generate more Google hits…(In lines with RGV ;)

Couple of Pages from a Fool’s Diary

Reminder Ting...in my Office mail box...Mail from my friend reminding me that today is last date for the submitting the Final soft copy of Dissertation for completing my Masters. 

Shaks....yaar..


AGAIN...missed the last line in schedule mail, which was sent earlier. I know you are curious 2 Know what went missing last time...even if ur not ...I have decided to tell you...Last time I have missed my mid-sem presentation date.... I was around all day..going..around the office but never went in to present my Dissertation for Mid Sem evaluation ....Later sorted it out with few apology mails.


Looked at my mail box again "Submit soft copy EOD by today... EOD-End of the day...EOD-End of the day.... Voice inside told me.. arey still 6 hours more for End of the day... but i have shift till 10.30PM it will be 11.30 by the time I reach home...


How..How..How


Looked at my manager, he was busy...then I looked at him again..... now a more close up shot.....the way in the cameraman zooms in to faces of daily soaps... (I hate Daily soaps).Sir, I have 2 leave early... (Probably...only time sir is added to your mangers name...is while asking for leave) another close up shot... His eyes went closer and then the reply came "Y". Conveyed him the fact that I am standing on the edge of soup bowl...if he does not let me go... I will be in soup... He said "go ahead" as if he gave me 100% hike...Gave the shift updates to my colleague. Started & finished planning how I will be doing this and by the time I reached ground floor..


Coming out of office... Realized my pocket is left with only 20Rs after eating up Birayni in the food republic... aaaaah... I thought...ok no worries.... lets walk up to the road and take shared auto... got in to a auto... it started raining slightly and the moment I got down from the auto at Ameerpet it started raining heavily so ran in to a bus stop...


Auto Auto......I was shouting from the bus stop at ameerpet a place 2 Km from my house. Considering that, I will pay him by taking money from home....one guy stopped. I ran in towards the auto......"Till ESI". i said...two stops form here.....normally it charges...20Rs.. He said NO... as if he was hunting for a bigger prey... I was almost wet and came back running to bus stop...again...


Auto Auto..... Another recap... "Till ESI"... he said 100 rupees.....what non-sense...are you gone mad it is two stops from here not even 2km..I said...Go to hell... (Water was dripping on to my face from the little hair... I had left with... I was feeling like one of the main protagonist in the daily soaps... who looks as if whole world's problem is on his shoulder...)


I ran back to a travels shop.... next to bus stop... to avoid glares of people who does not know. That I am on critical mission....


Shop owner was furious and was shouting on people coming in for shelter. This guy’s concentration was mostly on people who looked poor... (home less) as they wont be his future customer...i cursed whole system being  selfish... money oriented... and the autowala's for using the "Chance pe Dance" strategy....there is nothing called humanity. Then a Auto stopped "Till ESI"... he said 60 rupees... bugger asking 3 times... I said 40 as the Dissertation soft copy was on the Line....... finally fixed it for 50 rupees and came home....


Thank God..! I have worked on it last weekend it self... just had to organize things in an order....these word Reports. Indexes...Page numbers...Done... finished and sent it by 11.45. and went to bed with an expression of achievement on my face....and looking on events of the today(Mail,EOD,Rain,Autowala's,shopowner) how screwed.. it got. but ended well...


"We all get in small obstacles in life...on daily basis. It is our Will to achieve our goal...will keep us on the path which lead us to the success"   
                                                                       


oooww hang on....what non-sense...i don’t want give these inspirational touchy things....and End..blogs with inspiration quotes from philosphers...... My blogs are not preachy... preachy...


Oh come on yaar...! Its okey... it happens. It happens with everyone. There is no need to curse society, autowala's, shop owner’s.... No need to feel bad or inspire...take resolutions...out of One or Two bad days...


The best things you can do is luk back.... laugh it off with few friends as i did...and get up late next morning.. When its bright and sunny not Raining...


Next day:


Oh god...I am late...    Auto Auto......"Till Ameerpet..." He said. No.... and started moving... after few sec's.. Auto stopped... I went nearer... autowala said...come till Main road...I have school kids to pickup.. So I cant drop you at "Ameerpet".okey...after getting down i offered him 10rs..He gave me 5rs back...looking at my strange expression..He gave me a smile and told me.. "Saab ..zarurath se zyada paise hazam nahi hothe"(means.. Sir, we wont be able to digest more than we actually require...)


HA..AH New bright sunny day....another entiry in to a diary.........  


 Those were Couple of pages from a Fool’s diary.....